Sunday, May 24, 2015

Currenty Week 2: The Crazy Ones, NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour, and Adult Problems


I don't even know where I got the energy to power through this 6-day work week. But I'm home in my parents' house in Cavite now and I'm relaxed as hell. My niece's Mood Indicator app says so.

CURRENTLY



Thursday, May 21, 2015

NO-stalgia: 5 things I'm happy to no longer experience


There are a lot of things I wish I do not have to experience - fear of frogs, Perennial Need to Create Meaning (damn you, millennial feels!), and FOMO. But if there are things that I am extremely, over-the-top, #thankful and happy not to experience anymore, it's these 5 things under the cut.




Monday, May 18, 2015

Currently Week 1: Pitch Perfect 2, Gone Girl, On Long-Term Friends & Going Back to Blogging



So, guys, I'm going to start blogging again. But unlike before when I didn't know what the hell I'm going to write about, I'm just going to talk about myself, my life, and not give a care about it anymore. I'm not going to care if people will read what I've written, or if I don't take great pictures, or if I'm not wearing enough makeup to be camera ready. I've left that part of my life when I transferred out of PR. I'm just going to write for me now.

I give mad props to Helga and Bea who made me realize that's it's OK to talk about me without the guilt. I particularly appreciated it when Bea wrote:

I always forget that sincerity can be a more powerful force than sarcasm or derision. Not that sincerity equates to positivity and eternal sunshine all the time – sincerity can be clumsy and mean and strange and horrible, but at the end of the day, sincerity is brave.
I'm going to be brave this time and, you know, try not to give a damn anymore.

And what better way to kick start a writing habit than do a weekly recap! I've been seeing a lot of The Sunday Currently's out there, but TBQH, I don't think I would go as far as sharing what I'm wearing and smelling at the moment. I'd like to treat my Currently's not as descriptions of what I'm doing right then and there, but more of a way to backtrack what I've done for the week. I've snooped around and I've found Life Documented Manila's version sits well with me.


Friday, May 15, 2015

About Me



There was a slight kerfuffle over a post I wrote on Facebook weeks ago. It was a minor tiff, but it threw me off guard. I never thought a friend would call me out and other friends who probably did not want to stir the pot, but agree with Friend 1 nonetheless, Facebook-liked Friend 1's public outcry.

As I was writing that status update up until I hit the post button, I never imagined people getting offended with what I wrote. All along I thought everyone understood that what I've written was just a friendly jab and not an insult to their hopes and dreams. But I was wrong and feelings were hurt.

While my friend Z and I were discussing the incident, Z pointed out a valid reason: How I've written that post is not reflective of my narrative. It's out of character. Out of my character.

She gave me a for instance. I always tell Z stories about my other friend S -- how S reacts to certain situations, how S dresses, how S talks. Z said I painted a consistent picture of S and the way I describe S is invariable. People pick up exactly how S wants to present herself.

My narrative, my identifier, on the other hand, is a bit scattered. It's like people have a completely idealized version of me in their heads. Maybe I just slipped that time I wrote that post and didn't bother to screen my thoughts -- hand/keyboard-on-mouth disease.

** ** **

It's no question we wear different hats in our lives. We don't exactly tell our parents about our fetishes the way we can openly tell them to our friends. However, I've hit a point in my life where I do not want to filter my words and actions for everyone's consumption anymore, within reason of course. I'm tired of wearing different hats. I just want people around me to see the same Mara across all social circles - but with context. I still don't want my officemates to see me crying or my parents see me losing it on a supplier who does not follow instructions.

But that's where the problem lies. People who've seen me in my nicest, my best foot forward, they are probably not used to seeing me unfiltered -- irreverent, unapologetic, likes bad TV.

I am not exactly sure if I should let it all hang loose at this point. I understand certain spaces on the internet are mine, but whatever I put out is fair game. So I respect obligations and who I represent. It's a bitter pill to swallow that no matter how much distancing I do to the labels people associate me with, I am still an employee, someone's daughter, someone's friend.

But I just want to say that at this age, I'm done worrying about what everyone thinks. People around me should understand that I can lose my shit, too. I need to stop apologizing for who I am not.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

On Writing, Writer's Block, and Renewals



Ahoy!

And as much as I want to say "I've brung sexy back," there's really no coming back to speak of. And no sexy either. That is if you 73 bot readers are actual human beings who lurk around this space. Anyhoo, I have some catching up to do, with whom, I don't really know. With what, well, this blog.

Let's try something new-ish wherein I type the first thing that comes to mind and hit POST without really thinking what I put out onine.

Lezzgo.

I have come to terms that I really have nothing interesting to say (or share) and that I will never be a niche blogger. So what do I do with this place? I'll keep it around as an avenue to keep my own voice, in the most cliche meaning of that term possible. I write for a living (shocking as that may sound to you), and inasmuch as I churn out thousands and thousands of words everyday, I feel like what I produce really isn't my voice, not my own.

For my day job, I have to sound preppy, engaging, professional, and corporate when I write. For my part time jobs, I have to sound authoritative yet friendly, like I actually know what I am talking about (confession: sometimes I don't, but it's not something research couldn't make me feel that I am already the boss in what I am writing about). Sometimes when I go home, drained from all the writing (and copy writing) I did throughout the day, I don't even know how to write on my daily log (diary if you're sappy and sixteen; journal if you are a pretentious wannabe novelist). Do I write like I am reporting my day's events or do I make it sound as exciting as I can? Do I go all existentialist and ponder the meaning of my existence?

Because Google is my only friend, I found a tip somewhere that says writing shouldn't be difficult if you treat it more like a job, something you have to do, rather than an art form. If you treat writing like laying one stone at a time to build a whole wall, then that's how you overcome your Writer's Block (no pun intended). But how do you separate the trash from what's exactly fit to share?

** ** **

Today, my domain registration for www.maraisms.com got renewed. It says I can use my domain for a full year again. I asked myself, "a full year of what, exactly?" As you can actually see, I haven't written anything here (or went to yoga) since April. But maybe that's why renewals are made possible: so I can have another year to try.

So, what have you been up to lately?

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